Reflections
by Dylan S. Thompson
Summary: Started off angsty, turned fluffy, and goes right back to angst again! Enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This story was done without the help of a Spell Checker. And, considering that I'm a lazy bastard, it's probably riddled with spelling errors. But, seeing as I don't care, don't bother to point them out. Also, I hope that the italics show up, or else this might be a tad confusing.  
  
  
  
Being around her caused so much pain. Every time he looked at her a dull ache would infiltrate his body and settle at his heart. Severus grinned wryly and thought to himself, 'You used to hate shit like this, Snape. You're getting soft.' Severus gave his object of desire a flippant wave as she enthusiastically waved at him from across the commons. Then she promptly turned her attention back to her object of desire.  
  
Snape winced as he saw this. He usually wasn't a jealous guy, but this girl had managed to infiltrate his defenses. Now he was paying for it tenfold. 'It would be so easy,' he thought, 'so easy to just close the door. Get up right now, go back to the Slyth Common Room and start reading, and ignore her for the rest of the year.'  
  
Severus grinned wryly again. "And If I had a knut for everytime I make that silent little threat," he mused, "I would be able to retire after graduation."  
  
One could say many a thing about Severus Snape. He was cruel, sarcastic, slimy, and a million other things, but he was also brutally honest. With himself and everyone else. That's why he knew for a fact that he would as soon volunteer to be slow roasted on a spit for the End-of- the-Year Feast as 'leave' his beloved.  
  
It still hurt though.  
  
Severus didn't lower his defenses for just anyone. It took a grand effort to become his friend, and, when he gave someone the title of 'friend' he felt that he had a lot invested in the relationship. It was hard to become Severus Snape's friend, but once you were you couldn't ask for a more attentive or loyal one. However, there was a considerable downside to a friendship with Severus Snape.  
  
Since, according to his sensabilities, he had a huge investment in the friendship, he expected the other person to care just as much as he did. Which was rarely the case. The other party always had other people to attend to, and seeing his friend with another person hurt him. This came from years and years of not having any friends. Snape's fear of abandonment was so innate that he rarely realized what was causing his irrational feelings.  
  
Yes, it would be easy to just leave. Snape had spent most of his life alone, and the idea of spending the rest of it alone didn't shake him the way it seemed to others. In fact, Snape often wished that he had never opened up to anyone. A solitary existance left to his own devices without these feelings of hurt, anxiety, and abandonment sometimes seemed like the best thing in the world to Severus. This sentiment never lasted long, however, because she would waltz into the room and, with the slightest smile would make him happier than he had ever been.  
  
Severus sighed and readjusted himself where he sat with his back against the trunk of a huge oak tree. From his vantage point he could see the entire commons. The tactician in him recognized the spot for it's value in surveilance. And the romantic in him recognized the spot because it was a comfortable place where two people could lay out and watch the stars. And the Slytherin in him recognized the spot as a nice place to look brooding. Severus grinned again.  
  
Once he was positioned, he looked at his watch to see that it was nearly lunch. Pretty soon his object of affection would come running up to him, grinning, ready to go to lunch, wondering why he hadn't joined her in play. 'As if she would even notice if I were there,' a sneering voice in his head expressed.  
  
Severus shrugged in response to the voice. He wasn't going to deny it. When Severus was with her, he wouldn't notice if a dragon burst into the room and started to polka. He had no reason to believe that she was any different when she was with her object of affection. While he was thinking this, she came running up to him. "C'mon Sev, it's almost time for lunch. We need to get going. Why didn't you join the fun?"  
  
She said all this in one breath.  
  
Hearing her words, Severus burst into laughter. Shooting a glare at him, she asked, "What? What are you laughing at?"  
  
By this time they had begun to head towards the Great Hall. Walking side by side, their hands swung to opposite times and brushed together every couple of seconds. It was things like this that caused Severus never to lose hope. If she truely didn't want him at all, then she would simply move a fraction of an inch so that their hands didn't touch. Right?  
  
Severus shot his lady love a grin and said, "You, Lily, are far more predictable that you dare admit."  
  
Lily gave him an affronted look, and shrieked, "Predictable? I'm predictable huh? Well, I'll show you!"  
  
With those words, she grabbed Severus by the shoulders and turned him to face her. Then, standing on her tip toes, right in the middle of the commons, in front of everyone, she kissed him. She kissed him long and hard. And, when, finally, they broke for breath, Severus looked down at Lily, who seemed just as shocked at what she had done as him, and said, "I should call you predictable more often."  
  
Lily blushed crimson and muttered, "That wasn't planned, I hope you know."  
  
Severus grinned widely (perhaps the most real grin anyone had ever seen him give), and said, "Indeed." And then he continued on his way to lunch.  
  
Lily hurried after him. There was no more dramatic snogging in front of everyone between the two of them that day. But, when Lily had caught up with Severs, she very discreetly, so that no one but Severus noticed, slipped her hand into his and gave it a squeeze.  
  
Severus kept waiting for her to slip her hand away form his, but that didn't happen. Not for a long while. 


	2. In Which this fic returns to the darknes...

A/N: I might as well call this fic "James Vents his Emotions". Anywayz, same warning applies: No spell checker, Me=Lazy Bastard, spelling mistakes are prolly galore. Also, I'm sorry for ruining such a happy story. It's just what comes out.  
  
  
  
"Fuck." Muttered Severus into his pillow. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!"  
  
"Fuck what?" Asked Lucius evenly from the dormitory entrance.  
  
Severus looked up and exclaimed viciously, "FUCK YOU!"  
  
To this, Lucius only raised an eyebrow. Severus and Lucius were best friends. Well, as best of friends two people can get in Slytherin House. While they were both very intimidating to those younger than them, and even most of the people above them, they were immune to eachother. So, it was with this immunity that Lucius was able to brave the storm that was Severus.  
  
Without being invited, Lucius casually walked in and sat down in an arm chair in front of Severus' bed. From his new vantage point, Severus could see that Severus held a medium-sized dagger in his right hand. Lucius had seen this dagger many times, as it never left Severus' body. But very few times had it ever been drawn in private.  
  
"Contemplating suicide?" Asked Lucius, nodding to the dagger.  
  
Severus sighed dramatically and said, "No. Of course not. Suicide would mean that they beat me."  
  
Lucius tried to keep the relief from his face. As much as he tried to hide it, he really did care for the introverted bastard. "Too bad. And I was in the mood for a good suicide too."  
  
"Fuck you." Severus said again. But he had lost all of his earlier virility. Now he just looked, and sounded, pathetic.  
  
Lucius steepled his fingers in front of his mouth and asked, "Homicide, then?"  
  
Severus only grunted, which Lucius took to mean, 'Unfortunately, no.' There was an uncomfortable silence for several minutes, with Lucius watching Severus closely, and Severus examining his dagger, lost in his own world. Finally, Lucius couldn't take the silence anymore, and he asked, "Is this about that mudblood you consort with?"  
  
Quicker than Lucius thought the other boy was capable of, Severus had jumped out of bed, bouded across the room, and now pressed the razor-sharp dagger against Lucius' throat. "I swear to Merlin, Malfoy. If I EVER hear you call her that again, I will kill you."  
  
He pressed the dagger harder against Malfoy's skin, drawing a slight amount of blood, and whispered dangerously, "I will kill you."  
  
Malfoy took a deep, ragged breath, and held up his hands in submittment. "Ok, Sev. I didn't mean any offense to you. I swear."  
  
"Hmmmm." Was all Severus said in reply. He did, however, remove the dagger from his friend's throat. He pocketed it, and moved back to his bed. Laying down, facing Lucius, he was quiet for a few minutes.  
  
Lucius took out his hankercheif and dabbed at the spots on his neck that were bleeding. He knew that his friend would talk eventually. All he needed to do was wait. Finally, after a few minutes of silence, Severus sighed and said, "You were right. This is about Lily."  
  
Lucius grinned at his friend and said, "No Shit. Everything in the last month has been about that damned mu-" Lucius saw Severus tense up, and was able to stop himself from uttering the offensive word. He took a breath and continued, "about that damned Gryffindor."  
  
"Hmmmm" Said Severus again. But that was all he said. There was another long silence, wherein Lucius started to get annoyed.  
  
"Are you going to tell me what the fuck's wrong? Or can I go get a snack?"  
  
Severus narrowed his eyes and sighed. "Fine. Lily and I had a date last night, and she didn't show. This morning, she sleeps till about 4 in the afternoon, and, when she finally wakes up, she tells me that she spent all night with James Fucking Potter."  
  
"Oh?" Asked Lucius suggestively.  
  
But Severus shook his head. "No. Not like that. Although I would actually feel better if all she wanted from Potter was a good fuck. I mean, I know I'm not exactly good-looking, and, if she had told me that she needed a night with a gorgeous guy, I could almost accept that better. But she spent the whole night talking to the jackass. That suggests real connections. I mean, she's never spent all night talking to me." Severus stopped talking for a second, and Lucius could have sworn that he saw a tear fall from the other boy's eye.  
  
"If only she had just needed a pretty lay." Severus continued. "My aunt and uncle love eachother more that any people I've ever seen. But they both have people on the side. And they both know about the other's infidelities. They love eachother more than life, but they know that everyone needs a break sometimes.  
  
And if Lily had needed this, I would have probably let her. I would have let her because I would have known that it was only about pleasure. I would have known that she cared for me more than any sap she picked up. And that's why I could have forgiven her if she had spent all of last night fucking or just fooling around with that jackass. Because I would have known that she cared for me more. As it is now, I don't know any such thing. If anything, I think she likes Potter more. She always did."  
  
After that, Severus fell silent and peered at his best friend, as if searching for advice. Lucius, however, had none to give. 'This is why I don't get attached to girls.' He thought to himself. But he coudln't say that to Severus, for fear of another blow up. Finally, he leaned forward and asked, "Well-what are you going to do?"  
  
Severus chuckled mirthlessly, and muttered, "Well, that's the six million dollar question, isn't it?" Lucius, who had no clue what his friend was talking about, nodded anyway. After another long silence, Severus finally stood up and said, determinedly, "I'm going to break up with her."  
  
"If I'm right, and I usually am, she likes Potter more than me. And she's gonna break up with me eventually for him. I can't let that happen. I have to do it first."  
  
"When you gonna do it?" Asked Lucius, getting bored with this melodramatic crap.  
  
"Right now." Said Severus, as he gathered up his courage and hurridly left the room.  
  
End of Chapter 2. To Be Continue(Mayhaps) 


End file.
